Wednesday, October 10, 2012

This is My Confession : Part 2

I had known for months that I would marry Dillon, I just wasn’t prepared to do so this summer. He confessed to me something so sweet, tears came to my little eyes--he had planned on proposing to me on the beach this summer and marrying me later on in college when we could afford it. That would have been my fantasy--a surprise proposal on the beach at sunset with no one else around (except for the photographer hiding in the sea grass to catch my actual reaction). Instead of my romantic dream, the surprise was gone, the extended engagement was gone, and the reality of it all set in like a bucket of cold water dumped over my head. I wasn’t getting a well planned, down on one knee moment that I would regale forever. We were sitting down with a pen and paper making pro/con lists. We were budgeting. I hadn’t even celebrated! Heck, I didn’t even have a ring!
The fact that the magic was stripped from something I had so long since dreamed of really broke me down on several occasions. I’ll be honest with you, I felt like I had cheated myself out of something. I had traded one dream for another when I had intended to get both. Our plan was a small wedding with our immediate families and a preacher, but as planning progressed, there were friends we just couldn’t turn away, and an actual wedding looked like it was in the works.
To any of you who have also planned an entire wedding in three months, we deserve a huge round of applause for maintaining our sanity. Sure, there are tons of people who contribute to the planning, but when the final say comes down to one person; one bride--YOU--the stress can be ridiculous. I found myself crying at night, wondering whether I had made the right decision. I knew I wanted to stay with Dillon, that was never a question, but for even the loviest of love birds, making the commitment of marriage is trying. I think just about every married couple will tell you that the engagement period brought fights that nearly always escalated from What do you mean you don’t care what color the boutonnieres are? to You don’t even care about this wedding at all! If you are looking for someone to exaggerate everything, randomly have an emotional breakdown, or accuse you of something, call a pregnant woman planning a wedding. I’m sure I could have been featured in my own reality show. True Life: I’m Planning a Wedding in My Second Trimester. Even the mother of all Pinterest boards couldn’t save me from my own crazy hormones while planning this wedding.
Moral of the story here: While we are very much in love and have a desire to be married, the rush was extremely trying. Feel free to leave a comment about your engagement period!

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