Wednesday, December 5, 2012

This Is My Confession: Part 4

The Proposal

We had our pastor, but there was just one problem-- I still didn’t have a ring. I completely acknowledge that a lot of the spending for this wedding was frivolous and unneeded, but a ring was NOT part of this frivolity. I needed a ring, not just to fight off the throngs of boys chasing my chubby pregnant self (haha), but to feel special about. I wanted to look at my ring and think of our promises, our love, our commitment, and our future. I told Dillon not to spend much, to choose something simple, and to not get one that only had a tiny cluster of diamonds. I wanted at least one good sized stone, so he picked out the most beautiful little ring and I anticipated the moment when he would give it to me. Again, my fantasy was far greater than my reality, so I cried before the proposal even happened because I knew it just couldn’t stand up to what was in my head. I wanted him to have prepared a little piece of paper with something to say. I wanted a walk along the water and romance so good it belonged in a Nicholas Sparks book. I was trying to pin my dreams on top of a man who already had everything I ever needed and wanted. I was doing him a disservice by expecting something too over the top. In the end, I found him standing on my aunt and uncle’s back deck, overlooking a serene lake. He sat me down on a porch swing, knelt beside me and held out his ring. In that moment I just wanted to sew us together so he would never be away from my side. There were tears in his beautiful blue eyes and he was shaking from nerves. He told me he would love me forever and said Will you marry me? Be still my heart, he was just so adorable! I didn’t even look at the ring, I just hugged him and kissed him until I felt like we could speak again. Then, I slipped the ring onto my little size 4 1/2 finger and dazzled at how well he had done. The ring was perfect for me--just like he is. My overwhelming happiness told me that our moment had enough magic of its own without all of my fantasies getting in the way.

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